A man who identifies as a feminist should:
1) Acknowledge sexism as a system of oppression. The first step to solving any problem is to acknowledge it as a problem. Naming sexism as such is a basic requirement, but a necessary one nonetheless. Also note, it’s imperative to recognize it’s a system, not just a personal bigotry.
2) Listen. All of these are really important, but this definitely a contender for most important thing. And not just listen when it’s other men talking (I recognize the irony as I write this). In a society that teaches us to devalue the voices of women, actively listening/reading/engaging the work of women is revolutionary. It’s also how you learn where the fight is.
3) Interrogate their own complicity. It’s uncomfortable to come to grips with the fact that you’ve been complicit in a system of oppression. It can make you feel like a bad person. But you don’t act out of comfort. A man identifying as a feminist is going to have to make himself incredibly uncomfortable by accepting that his language/customs/traditions/beliefs have been informed by sexism and he has, consciously or not, been participating in that system that deleterious effects on the lives of women.
4) Change their behavior. Another contender for most important, and perhaps the most difficult. It’s one thing to acknowledge your complicity in a system of oppression, it’s a whole other thing to divest from that system and change the language/behaviours that you’ve become accustomed to. And look, everyone will fuck up here. Everyone. Myself included. It’s hard to change, particularly when there’s no reward for doing so. But if a man believes in the cause of equality, if they’re devoted to a feminist politic, they will be actively working toward that change.
5) Find community. In movements, you need community to support you, hold you accountable, and to build alongside. The community challenges you and struggles with you. If a man is going to be a feminist, he should surround himself with feminists (preferably ones that will actually seek to challenge him, not just marvel at the fact he’s a man who wants to claim feminism).
6) Use their privilege to disrupt the system. This requires a bit of sacrifice. It means turning down opportunities, prestige, and money to ensure those things are offered to women in equal measure. It means speaking up, in real time, at inopportune moments, about the injustices women face in your workplace/social environment/private life. It means (figuratively) chin-checking some of your closest friends and relatives on their retrograde ideas. It means risking relationships and personal achievement for a greater good you may never see. But if a man feels he is called to do this work, it’s something he can’t escape.
Still, I repeat: I don’t know. I’m learning all the time from different feminists about what they believe a man’s role in feminism should be. I listen. I take notes. I act accordingly. There’s no perfect formulation, and if there were, I wouldn’t take credit for coming up with it. I’m sure there’s a woman who said it better, anyway.
SHOW NOTES
